


In the Chill of Your Stare I am Painfully Lost

by howlittleweare



Series: We Are the Last [TRC Zombie Au] [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, Zombie AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 15:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2656646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlittleweare/pseuds/howlittleweare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rules of the Dead Zone:<br/>1.) don't get bit<br/>2.) stay with a group<br/>3.) keep moving</p><p>Adam lost his group, he has nowhere to go, and there are zombies everywhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Chill of Your Stare I am Painfully Lost

**Author's Note:**

> A friend and I were talking about pynch, and decided to write something for each other. Because I suck at cute fluffy things, I wrote angst, gore and violence. Hurray.
> 
> Title from Love Like War by All Time Low

They were everywhere nowadays. It was rare to find a city or town without a dozen walkers shuffling around every corner. Forests, the alternative, were well spread out and had less accumulations of zombies, but it was a high risk to stay out there after dark.  
  
Not many people lived in the dead zones, or maybe, not many survived. Most of the living population were migrated to the east and west coasts. Tall concrete walls were built to keep the dead out, or the living in, there wasn't much of a difference these days.  
Ten years ago, the government, in an attempt to keep from losing anymore lives, forbid anyone to live outside of the safe zones. They didn't stop people from leaving, but once they did, they lost the protection of the government and any other sources.  
In the safe zones, they told the people that no one lived in dead zones. Most likely to discourage them from leaving. But people lived out there. They got by, but it was still extremely dangerous.  
Raiders traveled in packs like wild dogs across the states, looting camps and killing families. There was no law in the dead zones.

It was too dangerous to travel alone. Those that did were thought to be "total idiots" or "lucky to be alive." People didn't last long without a group. A group kept them safe and sane.  
  
Adam considered this as he trudged along the newly made path, staring at his feet crunching in the dead, crisp leaves. He loosely held his gun, barrel pointing towards the ground, one finger above the trigger. How long would he survive out here without his group?  
  
Gansey was their planner and idea guy, Blue could identify poisonous plants without a beat, Ronan was their heavy hitter and get away driver, Noah new all kinds of secrets and tricks about the dead. He could get through a hoard of walkers without notifying any of them of his liveliness. Ronan said it was because he smelt like the dead. Either way, it kept Noah alive.  
But Adam didn't have many skills besides long distance shooting. Close combat was foreign to him. How would he survive without them?  
  
Adam's foot caught on a worn root poking up from the ground and fell, he was conscious enough to not clutch the trigger and push the gun out from under him. When he struck the ground, he rolled onto his back but didn't move otherwise. How much longer would this last? This apocalypse? This wandering?  
  
When it first started, the government claimed to create a cure to reverse all the damage in five years tops. It had been approximately eleven years since the virus broke out. Adam stared at the the gray sky through the trees, hoping that it wouldn't rain.  
The foot steps ahead of him stopped and turned back.

"Get up."  
  
"No," Adam said.  
  
"Seriously, Parrish, we need to keep moving."  
  
"Why?" Adam sat up, not bothering to brush the dead leaves off his back. "What are we trying to accomplish?"  
Ronan sighed and shrugged the rifle sling off of his shoulder. He dropped to the ground next to Adam, leaning against a tree. "You knows the rules out here," he grumbled. "Rule number one is keep moving."  
  
"I thought it was 'don't get bitten.'"  
  
"Jesus Christ, Parrish," Ronan swore and stood back up, reaching down to grab ahold of Adam and drag him up, not gently.  
They continued their trek across who knows where they were. Ronan was searching for a safe place for them to sleep as the sky grew darker. Adam dropped his pack and gun when they settled for a small rock alcove. He slumped against the wall and sank down until he was sitting. Ronan removed his things and joined Adam on the ground, their shoulders touching.  
Without the light of a fire, neither had any matches in their packs, they stayed alert and stayed quiet. Adam thought back to two weeks ago when Gansey, Blue, Noah, Ronan, and Adam were huddled around a fire outside an abandoned town's drugstore. Adam had been asleep when Blue's shout awoke him in the early hours of morning. Walkers poured from the doorways and windows of surrounding buildings.  
  
Their moans turned to shrieks as they recognized a meal within their grasps. Soon it was deafening, panic instilled all of the group as they rushed to grab supplies and weapons. Without a clear head, Adam dashed down an alleyway and followed the chainlink fence around a corner until he was in the forest again. But Adam didn't stop. He continued to run until the sun was peaking over the horizon and Adam finally stopped to breathe.  
  
Inside the pack he grabbed were two cans of expired chili and a bag of dried meat. A few clips of ammo rested at the bottom, luckily the right kind for the gun he brought. And a hunting knife in its sheathe.  
He stopped breathing hard, nearly stopped breathing at all, when Adam noticed something.  
  
He was alone.  
His group, they weren't with him. The rules of the dead zones, he remembered:  
1) don't get bit  
2) stay with a group; safety in numbers  
3) always keep moving.  
  
Now Adam was alone and lost. He couldn't even hear the, at the time, louder-than-life screams of the zombies that made even his deaf ear ring. There was dead silence. Something unsettling about the quiet now, as if the forest knew he was screwed and was pre-mourning his death. Adam might have preferred the zombies at that moment.  
So Adam began walking towards the town, or at least in the direction he thought the town was in.

And that was how it had come to this. Sitting in the same silence Adam dreaded next to Ronan. A few days after they all had been separated, and many nervous break downs later, Adam came across Ronan.  
Or more likely, Ronan came across him when he dropped from the trees right in front of Adam. He would have shot him in the face if he had been faster, but Ronan grabbed the barrel of the gun and pointed it away from him and glared.  
By the light of the moon, they could see about twenty feet ahead of them. Adam felt his eyes droop for a second and immediately Ronan noticed. "Go to sleep, I'll take first watch." He said lowly.

Adam didn't argue, if Ronan wanted to stay up and watch for the dead, he was fine with that. Adam stretched out and laid on his side, his head resting near Ronan's thigh. Exhaustion filled him and he sighed. Adam thought of Gansey, Blue, and Noah before he drifted off. Noah would be fine, Adam was sure of it. He had lived in the dead zones much longer than any of the others.  
It was Gansey and Blue Adam worried over. Gansey was good with plans and negotiating, but he couldn't talk his way out of getting bitten. And whatever awkward romance that was going on between Gansey and Blue was alarming enough now that they were most likely together. Gansey would sacrifice himself before letting Blue get hurt, he was most definitely with her. But with the slow-burn romance, they had to be extra careful, what with Blue's condition.  
  
The virus that brought the dead back to life had two parts. The dormant virus that infected everyone years ago lived in its host quietly. Once the host died or came into contact with the reactant virus, the two combined to form the active virus that quickly kills the host and takes control of them neurologically.  
  
Blue was a special case, she wasn't infected with the dormant virus, she had the reactant virus. It wasn't a threat to her, it was incomplete without the dormant, but her bodily fluids were a threat to everyone else. If any of her blood, sweat, or saliva got into an open cut, in the mouth or eyes, they were a goner. Which meant no kissing for Blue, which meant sexual tension between Blue and Gansey, and awkward third wheeling for the rest of the group.

Adam dreamt of a forest, not the one he was in, but with twisting black trees and cawing ravens. Eyes peered at him through the branches as he walked by, whether they were walkers or creatures, Adam wasn't sure. He heard Blue and Noah's laughter echo through the limbs, and Gansey's sophisticated voice murmur in the shadows. Ronan was up ahead on the path, but it wasn't his Ronan. This Ronan had dead eyes and peeling skin. His body smelled like rot and his teeth gnashed violently. Adam was afraid, but curious too. How could something that wasn't even alive anymore show more emotion than the real Ronan? His Ronan only had three faces, calm or uncaring, angry or irritated, and the rare chuckle when Noah did something stupid.  
The dead Ronan looked sad, and longing. His fingers reached for Adam at the same time they appeared to push him away. A glowing beat inside it's chest glowed brighter the longer Adam stared.  
He blinked and teeth were latching onto his neck and screams erupted from his mouth.

Ronan shook Adam awake urgently. He had screamed aloud. Ronan shushed him as he fully awoke. Adam pushed himself away and looked around. It was still very dark. Moans in the distance reached Adam's good ear and he stood up, they would be after them now. Ronan was quiet other than his comment, "We have to go."

They reached a cabin in the early morning. After hours of walking, they were exhausted. They didn't have a chance to stop because the walkers chasing them were slow but relentless.

Ronan threw the door open and Adam entered first, rifle raised, scanning the dark room. Ronan came in behind him, holding the machete in his right hand. The cabin was small, really only one room with a bathroom and closet. Adam went to the bathroom, looking into the dark space as Ronan crossed to the closed closet door. He quietly said "clear" and closed it back. Adam repeated the term and finally lowered his gun.  
  
When he came out of the bathroom, Ronan was laying his sword down on a dusty coffee table and pulling out a piece of jerky from his pack. He looked tired, though he would never admit it. Adam rubbed the back of his neck and walked over "Why don't you crash for a bit? I'll keep watch."  
  
Ronan raised an eyebrow at him without saying anything. He continued to chew his jerky for another minute of an odd staring contest. Adam refused to look away because he felt like that was loosing whatever this was. Ronan sighed after he swallowed and shrugged his jacket off. He mock saluted Adam, face still void of emotion, before jumping onto the bed and crossing his arms comfortably across his chest. Adam watched him stare at the ceiling for a minute before fluttering shut. Adam checked the front door's locks before settling on the worn plaid couch.  
  
  
It was nearly 9 A.M. when Adam got up and stumbled over to the bare mattress to lay next to Ronan. He payed closer than he normally would have. Ronan turned his head back and eyed Adam groggily before ignoring him and going back to sleep. They could afford to stay one day here. Not like they had somewhere to actually be, Ronan just liked to pretend they did.  
When Adam shifted his foot, it struck the shotgun Ronan had left on the edge of the bed and fell to the wooden floor with a bang. Both boys jolted awake and searched for the offending sound.  
When they realized Adam had knocked the gun off, they looked at each other and shared relieved grins when a thump came from somewhere in the house.  
  
The laughs died in their throats as Ronan shot out of bed instantaneously, snatching the shotgun off the floor as a walker shambled out of the open bathroom door. Adam remained on the bed, shocked, and Ronan strode forward and struck the zombie with the butt of his gun. It's head caved easily due to rot and decay.  
  
It collapsed instantaneously before it could start screaming. Ronan checked the bathroom for anymore walkers and lowered the gun. He turned his steely look on Adam then. "I thought you said it was clear."  
  
"I did."  
  
"Did that fucking look clear to you, Parrish?"  
  
"I'm sorry, it must have been behind the shower curtain when I checked-"  
  
"You can't go through life half-assing everything, Parrish, especially not now." Ronan had grown closer to yelling as he come closer to Adam. "What if that thing had come out while we're asleep? One, if not both of us, would be dead right now!"  
  
Adam didn't say anything, didn't let his face flicker. He stared straight back at Ronan and wondered what else it would take to make Ronan show some emotion. Anger was the quickest to show, but he had to have others, right?  
They continued to stare each other down a little longer, Ronan with anger and Adam with guilt. Ronan finally huffed and drug a hand down his face, and started packing up his things. "C'mon. That things gonna start smelling and we still got a long way to go."  
He stepped outside then and let the screen door slam shut. Adam stayed sitting on the bed for another minute before shifting and grabbing his things as well.

 

Makeshift campsites came and went, passing towns in favor of climbing into a tree and tying themselves to a branch for the night. Three days had passed since the cabin and Ronan hadn't spoken much. Adam wasn't sure if he was extremely pissed or just going through one of his weird Ronan phases. Any conversation Adam tried to start up over the campfire where dismissed or ignored. Adam was kind of getting a little pissed that Ronan was still pissed at him. It wasn't until later that evening that Adam abruptly stood from the campfire and grabbed his gun leaning against the tee. Ronan raised an eye brow at him but didn't move other wise. "I'm going for a walk."  
  
The sun had nearly disappeared behind the mountain, and Adam knew it was dangerous, but he couldn't stand the icy silence with Ronan anymore.  
  
He trudged into the trees and felt the wet leaves stick to the bottom of his boots. Adam went to check the traps he had set up earlier while Ronan had got a fire going. A rabbit lay dead in the first trap, a giant bite taken out of its side. Walkers had gotten to it, now the meat was tainted. Too much of a risk to try to eat it. They sky was fading purple and it was getting darker between the trees. If Adam turned back, he could still see the orange glow of the fire. The second and third traps were empty, the fourth trap held a small opossum. It was still alive and hissing. Adam was fairly certain that opossums were unable to carry rabies, that didn't mean he wanted to get bit. The closer Adam got, the more riled up the creature would get; it hissed and growled, scurried in the leaves, tried to climb up a tree. Adam pulled the hunting knife from his belt and quickly sunk it into the opossum's head. It's thrashing tail slowly went still but Adam still heard the crunch of leaves and branches.  
  
He looked around him until the shambling figure of a zombie became visible. It was very close to him, probably attracted to the noisy opossum. Adam still held the knife in his hand and got on one knee in preparation to sprint and catch the unassuming zombie off guard. It hadn't noticed him yet, walkers groan when they detect possible prey, and scream when they find it. Almost like an alarm to other zombies nearby. The government said the undead were mindless creatures, but they were smarter than that.  
Adam gripped the handle tighter and waited until the zombie was within five feet of him. He sprung up-  
  
But his momentum was stopped short when two hands grabbed Adam and pulled him back down into the foliage. One hand covered his mouth and the other wrapped across his abdomen and held him right against the hard chest of his assailant.  
Adam quickly began to struggled but, again, was stopped short when a familiar voice whispered harshly in his ear "Adam." He stopped moving but angled his head back and looked at the face hidden in shadow of the big tree. Cold blue eyes stared back and Ronan removed the hand from Adam's mouth. He held up a finger to his own lips and then pointed behind him into the forest. Adam squinted and saw several more walkers following the first one.  
  
Even if the first walker never saw Adam and raised an alarm, the others surely would and they would have been upon him instantaneously. As Gansey always said, it's safer to wait out a horde than try to fight it.  
Which led to five tense minutes of Ronan and Adam hiding in the black shadow of a tree as a dozen zombies passed by. It wasn't until they were nearly out of sight when Adam finally felt his heart rate go back to normal, that he noticed Ronan's arm was still around him. Adam peeled it off him and stood up, glancing off in the direction, luckily away from their camp, that the walkers had went.  
  
He turned back around to see Ronan glaring at him.  
He wasn't actually sure if Ronan was glaring or just looking at him normally. Both were hard to differentiate. Approximately thirty seconds passed before Adam's back was harshly thrown against a tree and Ronan was up in his face scowling. "What the hell were you thinking Parrish? You're deaf in that ear!" As if Adam needed to be reminded of that.  
  
"You would have been torn apart not forty feet from me if I hadn't come after you to watch your back." He gestured back to the campsite and Adam suddenly thought of how much warmer that fire was than out here in the cold and dark. "Christ, Parrish, you wouldn't last a day out here on your own."  
  
"I know that. I wasn't made for this kind of life like you."  
  
"I wasn't just born into this fucking apocalyptic nightmare. I was shaped and molded into this. This world is unforgiving. You make a mistake, you pay for it dearly. I made mistakes, I payed the price, and I learned from them."  
Adam was silent as he stared at Ronan, who was busy looking away. He was still very close to Adam, boxing him in with his arms, towering over him in his height. Adam almost saw it as a protective stance. He snapped back to reality when Ronan spoke quietly again. "I've lost a lot of people out here, Parrish. I was with two other groups before I joined up with a Gansey. I've lost them now, and all I have left it is you. I won't loose you too." He looked back at Adam and his eyes were something else. They were still cold and blue, but there were other emotions mixed in. Adam saw fear and uneasiness, determination and strong will, fondness and curiosity. They were also getting closer.  
  
Adam, who had thus far been unable to move, jolted when Ronan's lips touched his. His hands came up to push Ronan away, but stayed planted on his shoulders once they came into contact.  
  
This is what Adam had been wondering about the past several weeks. The tension he felt when they stood too close together, the convulsing, panicked feeling he felt in his stomach and chest whenever he felt Ronan's eyes on him. The soft touches that had turned more and more intimate every time Adam didn't tell him "no." Adam knew there was something between them, but he hadn't know exactly what that was until now in this moment. He wasn't sure if it had been attraction or just the need of comfort in troubling times.  
One of Ronan's hands curled around the back of his neck pulling him closer, the other in his hair. Ronan's lips were soft in comparison to the scruff of his face and Adam's chapped lips. The cold air seemed to dissipate as a warm fondness settled in Adam's stomach. Ronan pulled back to breath and Adam wished they hadn't stopped kissing because now he felt like saying something.  
  
"They aren't lost."  
  
Ronan looked at him doubtfully and shrugged the strap of the machete holster back into its place. Adam grabbed the opossum and walked alongside Ronan back to the inviting warmth of the dying fire. Walkers groaned and screamed in the night as they found new prey to devour, but things seemed a little a better, perhaps.  
"We'll find them."

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue how to write a kiss… help, oh god


End file.
